Entry 70,

Accepting that where I am is exactly where I should be has brought me much relief in the past few days. Nothing has really changed except that I feel less conflicted and more at peace living in the moment in the same circumstances as before. So in a way everything has changed and nothing at the same time. It takes faith to accept that things will enter my life when it is time for them to. Each time I find my faith lacking I also find myself trying too hard to make change happen which is when I start feeling not so good. When I say feeling not so good , what I mean is angry, frustrated and if I don’t catch it early even depressed.

I am finding it to be a challenge to stay vigilant about how I am perceiving my world when I am constantly bombarded with alternative perspectives on a regular basis. This is perhaps why I have a tendency to spend a fair bit of time on my own away from outside influences. I cannot be sure if it’s even possible for me to remain unaffected by the influence of others as I am quite sensitive to it. My vibration is under constant bombardment by all of the other vibes around me and I am perhaps not rigid enough to avoid them affecting me. Perhaps my path lies in allowing them to change me and then on a regular basis find a way to rediscover my new self.

Meditation works sometimes when I am able to fully quiet my mind although there are times when I am not able to do that. Maybe that is a good time to use writing as a tool in an effort to get the thoughts out of my head when I cannot simply let them pass. That is an interesting idea, Perhaps the thoughts that are not easily released are there for a specific purpose and I must acknowledge them. I may not see their value at the time but I do often find value in looking over my writings when I have calmed my mind.

Today I practice acceptance of myself, my environment and of others.

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