Day 59, Work Drama, Relief.

I talked to my co-worker who I dubbed “Judas” in yesterday’s entry earlier today. I waited until he was heading out to do a supply run and walked him to his car so we were out of earshot from both our manager and the other assistant manager. He knew something was up the moment I said I would walk him out and the moment the doors closed behind us he asked” so what’s up?” The words that came out of my mouth were not nearly as eloquent as what I had previously planned on saying .

I did start with “I am not in a position to discipline you or give you shit” I stuttered and lost my place a bit here and had to leave my plan behind and think in the moment. I said ” Whenever you dip, dive, duck and dodge  problems and situations at work you are leaving them for someone else to deal with and lately that someone has been me” I continued ” We both have the same job and expectations ” He asked for some specifics which is how most “women” will try and win an argument as most men don’t deal in details(this has been my experience). I had some specifics easily rise to the top as the issues that triggered this whole event took place just a few days before on Sunday. Judas apologized and said ” We are all part of the same team and have to pull our weight” I replied ” exactly”. Judas left to run his errands.

I was a little jittery I think is a good word for it, That physical feeling as tension leaves the body like when playing poker and you hit your miracle card and can’t stop your hands from shaking. When Judas returned He was in good spirits and there was zero tension between us, I even saw him searching for a notebook to better keep track of his tasks. Time will tell if this has made an impact on the circumstances but I know already that I feel better about it all.

The advice I usually give to people who are afraid of upsetting someone is to simply talk to them and explain how you feel and think. Two to three times in the last week I gave that same advice to people in similar situations who have what seems like a difficult topic to address and I was blind to how that same advice would apply to my own path. This is far from the first instance like this where the advice I am giving out is actually meant for myself. I can’t see what is right in front of me if I am looking upstream.

If I had spoken up right away when this first happened I might have avoided all of the struggles during the past week or two by simply facing the issue head on. Trying to avoid what is coming automatically turns my boat upstream and blinds me to the solution which is usually represented in equal proportion to the problem. Avoiding problems is the same as avoiding growth and without growth I become stagnant and tired lacking the energy that comes with growing who I am.

This experience is another piece of evidence that facing my issues head on is the best approach in the end as trying to dip, duck, dive and dodge them just wastes time and energy.

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