Day 55, JP31, Live and let live

page 31

[[[[ I’m stoked for Paintball, Battlefield 4 and snowboarding.        there is a big difference in looking for something or just looking.  Controlled breathing is in the abdomen. Emotional breathing is in the chest.               I Will Find only what I bring with me – Yoda    I teach self-empowerment.  The essence of that which is like unto itself is drawn – The law of attraction.    Pivot – I know what I don’t want-What do I Want?      Wanting and believing is alignment. I would Rather feel good than be right. Find peace with my current situation in order to allow my boat to float Downstream towards the manifestations that I desire.   Be at peace.]]]]]

First off, I moved my desk around so I have more clear desk space which has resulted in the clearer picture although its at a bit of an angle. It sure is nice having Open space to work with, it feels like I can stretch out .

This page looks like a summary of the lessons I was trying to learn at the time and some that I still am. There are a lot of headlines on this page without a lot of substance which I think does a pretty good job of describing who I was at the time. The actual difference between looking for something specific and just looking is in the field of view and focus. While looking for something specific I can easily overlook so many other things that would be just as good. I have learned and been reminded so many times to zoom out at take a look at the bigger picture as it offers a very different perspective on things.

Controlled breathing vs emotional breathing, I think I got this from another movie “the incredible hulk” where Bruce banner(the Hulk) is searching for ways to control his anger is learns to control his breathing in an effort to control his emotions. This works for me if I get worked up and my chest gets tight I have practiced breathing with my diaphragm ( I am no master) which allows me to steady my breath and my nerves follow suit.

If I had a mentor It would be Yoda. There is so much wisdom that comes from Yoda and the way he delivers it requires a calm mind to understand it. A mind not at peace will find Yoda irritating and obnoxious. Yoda or the “Idea of Yoda” teaches that a calm and clear mind can feel its way through life. Feel the force as your eyes and ears can deceive you but your feelings will guide you. In some ways I see myself as a jedi Padawan learning the ways of the force(universe/source) and how to use my feelings as my guide.

I would like to teach self-empowerment one day through my own example as I learn to be self-empowered. Self-empowered? Meaning what? To be unaffected by the power struggle of others, To take responsibility for how I feel regardless of my situation. This is a work in progress.

The law of attraction. I visualize it like this: We are all magnets with our own personal polarity and we are attracting other magnets that match. So If I do not like the magnets that are showing up It’s on me to change my polarity and ignore the magnets that are here now as once my polarity changes they will no longer be drawn to me.

Pivoting is a powerful and simply tool that I used more often when I was really unhappy with things. The Idea is that while focusing on something that I do not want I will feel bad so I recognize this fact and choose to pivot. I say to myself “This is what I don’t want, What do I want?” this simple question will take me from thinking about what I don’t want o thinking about what I do want which will feel better.  For example: I know I don’t want to have dry, itchy skin because I have had it for what feels like an eternity, What do I want? I want to have nice smooth skin that feels good to the touch. This tool of pivoting is very helpful in finding relief in the moment, its not going to change the belief that is creating the resistance responsible for my dry skin but it will provide momentary relief which makes the dry skin more bearable.

My last entry ended on a bit of a low note as I came to realize that I have been holding a defeated/ defeatist attitude for a while. I haven’t straightened it out yet but I have been having success on a daily basis with finding relief from my resistance and finding more peace within myself which is a win. I have kept up with my blog for fifty-five days (not consecutive as I have taken a day off here and there) which is a win for me. I am Discovering my inner strength and learning to express myself in a constructive manner which Is a win.

I think that I have come to have low expectations for winning when competing against others which might be the result of my changing priorities. As I have placed more value on laughing and less value on crushing the opposition my win-loss ratio has certainly suffered. My pleasure has increased substantially in my efforts to enjoy the journey more than just the finish line.  I only feel like a failure when I judge myself by materialistic standards and that idea of what success is. So then What is success? how do I define being successful? and why? Is there any value to achieving success at all?

I wonder if  the sensation of success is only really felt in the moment which must be true because this moment is all I have. Then the feeling of success is based upon my perspective of my experience right now. The habit I have developed it to look outwards at my collection of things to judge my success and thus the accumulation of trophies and gadgets and stuff becomes valuable. By this method my success is determined by my attachment to material objects and illusions of power. The feeling of success based on these principles puts me in a constant pissing contest with the rest of the world because to continually have this feeling of success I have to gather more and more things to maintain my status and feel successful.

It should be no surprise that I would feel unsuccessful as I own very little material wealth and have been minimalizing the possessions that I carry around with me. By the commonly accepted idea of success I am a complete failure because I have turned my back to material wealth and status by attachment. The reason I sometimes feel bad about this is the result of my own belief in regards to success or rather the lack of my own conviction in my idea of success. What is my idea of success?

If my idea of success was different from the common one then I would see so many people as failures and myself as perhaps one of the few successful people. In order for my idea of success to feel good It has to be inward facing so as to not judge everyone else on my criteria. I want success to feel good and not at the cost of others feeling bad. I want to remove the competition from my idea of success. What if success is feeling good and feeling good is success?  Can I make it that simple? It feels good, so why not. “Make it so Number one” “aye aye Captain”.

From this moment forward, Success is now based on how good I feel in the moment. I will have moments when I am faced with a very strong opposing view on this idea and my Simple view that feels good will easily withstand the barrage of hate. People will resent my idea of success because it places zero value on all of there acquired stuff which if they judge themselves from my point of view they will see themselves as worthless and they wont like it. The trick here is that I don’t judge people based on my ideas and beliefs, I am happy to let each person decide for themselves how they want to live their lives.

Live and let live.(quoted from somewhere but fits this moment perfectly)

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