Day 53, JP 29, Reality Check.

page 29

[[[[ Here I stand, on the precipice overlooking infinity. Standing on The fringes of old beliefs Wondering whether I’ll Fly or fall when I move forward. I Imagine That I will Float like a leaf on the wind. All That is left is to let go of my past and allow the wind to take me. It’s up to me to untie the safety line.

I currently have one foot in the past and another moving towards my future. How I feel is my indication of where I will step. If I’m to trust myself I must be trustworthy. Events are in motion already shaping my future. Trust myself to know what to do when the time comes. honesty with myself breeds unwavering trust.

There is nothing to fix. The cure for uncertainty is to live in the moment.]]]]

I can say this” Leaves don’t fly too well when they are carrying baggage” and I had a lot of emotional baggage that I was holding onto. The term “reality check” comes to my mind because I find that the best way to judge where I am at is to take a no bullshit look at my life and call it like I see it. Then I let it sink in and find a way to accept the reality of my situation because it is a very good indicator of my vibration. In order to make lasting change I must alter my vibration and to do that I have to know where I am at and get right down and dirty with it. Only then can I make meaningful changes by moving one step at a time, finding relief after relief after relief. Day after day making a consistent effort to find thoughts that feel a little bit better than yesterday.

Trust is a big thing for me and I imagine for everyone. I cannot have a meaningful relationship with anyone including Myself without trust and a good indicator that I don’t trust myself is if I don’t trust anyone else either. I found an idea that has helped me move mountains in regards to trust, ” I trust that each person will do what they feel is right”. So far that trust has not been broken nor do I expect it ever to be. I removed the burden of anyone having to live up to my expectations for them and simply allow them to do what they feel is right. This makes me a very trustworthy person and in return I hold the trust of many people because I never judge anyone for their choices as that would be tantamount to judging myself for doing what “seemed like a good idea at the time”.

The Big boss at work is in town for a few days and tomorrow is our big managers meeting, today I spent a few hours with him talking about our park. We talked about how things have changed and might evolve going forward. He applauded my personal growth over the last year from someone who wanted nothing to do with being anyone else’s boss or even dealing with people at all. To the man I am today who has taken ownership of my role , flaws, weaknesses and has made significant noticeable progress is Strengthening those aspects of myself. Being able to recognize and accept my weaknesses has become a strength.

He Has been quite impressed by the impact that my return to work has had on the all of the staff from management all the way to the once a week employees. We discussed some of the things that he had noticed are quite different from his last visit 3-4 weeks ago. The most notable being the overall cleanliness and organization throughout the park, even in the deep dark areas. I could say it was all hard work and making sure staff were actually doing their jobs but I feel like It has been the result of me cleaning out my own deep dark places by letting the light in and then allowing my vibration to do the work. It was really nice to hear that my self-improvements have made a very real impact on my surroundings and only provides more proof that this really works.

My Boss and I agree on quite a few things and we also disagree on quite a few things which is fine and good because we both know how to “agree to disagree”. I call him on his bullshit and he calls me on mine which can be frustrating at times but has a silver lining. That silver lining is that we keep each other from going too far off the rails as we can each learn from the other.  I Trust him to do what he thinks is best and he has come to trust my judgement as well. We both accept that mistakes will be made and that effort to learn from them will also be made.

Some of the stuff I write down blows my mind and I wonder if I felt the same way when I first wrote it. “The cure for uncertainty is to live in the moment” Anxiety could be substituted for uncertainty and its still so good. Living in the moment can be achieved through regular reality checks.

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