Day 51, JP 27, Worth

page 27

[[[[ Vibrations rise in my center Brought on by my deep Rythmic Breathing and The still waters of my mind.       Vibrations spread Through my body like The tide rising on the beaches of the world.            Vibrations fill my body from head to toe as if every molecule that is me is being gently massaged to well-being.   Vibration I am.

I Feel like The essence of unconditional love.

my breathing is deep like the ocean, my emotions flow like the Rivers. my desires Refresh like the Rains. my body is strong like the mountains. my mind is rich like the forests. my wonder is matched only by the stars. my expansion is on par with the universe. my World is the mirror of my soul. How spectacular it is.

I am good enough the way I am.]]]]

The first poem is an expression of the peaceful fuzziness that encompasses me when I meditate and successfully quiet my mind. It is an expression of the loving energy that flows through me when my ego gets out of the way.

I think the second one speaks for itself. “I am good enough” is making peace with who I am and accepting myself.

Today I forgot my cane at work on my way out the door which I think is a good indicator that I don’t need it anymore. I Have a lurch to the way I walk as my knee and hip haven’t realigned just yet and my ankle is still a bit limited in flexibility. Even so, I am walking unassisted except going down stairs, I need a railing or wall to lean on for going down stairs. This is pretty exciting for me because I have been walking and using transit for the  past couple years which kind of means my freedom is returning to me. I just have to remember to take it slow so I don’t re-injure my foot. The slow progress is nice because everyday I have a reason to be grateful for my improvement.

I am a bit anxious about my bosses boss being in town for a few days starting tomorrow. The plan is for him to teach us (the assistant managers) how to push the staff to push the customers to buy our passes. The passes themselves are a really good deal and hold the potential for our customers to take advantage of them and benefit in a huge way. My issue is with the pushing or pulling the customers and/or staff. Since I have been back at work the percentage of pass sales has gone up and it may or may not have anything to do with me, I cannot say for certain.

My approach has been to make sure that the cashiers are offering the passes to each customer and encouraging them to do it in a way that they feel good about. Each one of the cashiers has developed a slightly different approach to this and it feels natural to them because they have chosen the method of delivery that suits them. As it stands the cashiers offer each customer the deal and if they decide that its not for them we can sell them an individual ticket for the day.

My boss does not want the cashiers or me to accept when the customer says “no thank you” and wants us to push the deal harder, I have issue with this tactic. If the customer bows to the pressure and buys the pass their experience at our park is already tainted by bullying and if they don’t give in, at what point do we stop pushing? The moment I am pushed or pulled in a direction not of my choosing I will resist and resent the force that is doing the pushing or pulling. Imagine trying to pull a dog for a walk it has no interest in participating in, this results in dragging the dog or carrying it neither of which is much fun( I know)

My concern is that when I am pushed to do something that I don’t feel good about I will resist for certain and I will not push my staff to do something that I wont do myself.  either I will be able to talk some sense into my boss or he might decide that I am no longer a good fit for his methods. this will be interesting as I am still on “light duties” due to my injury. I get the feeling he is already a bit bothered by the fact that I corrected his payroll mistake regarding statutory holidays as he was using payroll rules from another province which makes amusement facilities exempt from having to pay time and a half. This has been going on for months now and has to be back-payed. He also has decided to include assistant managers in the exemption that applies to managers which seems a bit shady in my opinion.

I suppose a lot of people (myself included) do things that are distasteful as long as it can be justified somehow. This Idea that the end justifies the means is just another lie that ends with disappointment when you realize who you have become while chasing the sunrise. When success becomes worth any price and you sell yourself to pay it , you become worthless and the success at the end is never enough to make up for what was lost along the way.

This is what it means to sell your soul to the devil. Bit by bit each day doing things that feel dirty in the pursuit of wealth/power/fame whatever the goal is. Then when you achieve the goal there is nothing left of who you were to enjoy it except an empty space where your soul used to be. This is the result of the faulty idea that says “This thing is worth more than who I am” or “I need this thing to prove my worth” both of which come from the idea “I am not worthy”. The secret is , we are all worthy.

You will never hear someone that feels worthy say someone else is not worthy. It is only the people who feel worthless who can see you as worthless and these people are the ones who value treasures above all else for the false sense of value it gives them. The same principle as a drug addict who need his fix to feel good, the Big shot need his wealth to feel good.  Feeling worthless is a horrible feeling that has become commonplace is today’s materialistic society as we all reach for something to fill the void and make us whole. Everyone is worthy of happiness and it doesn’t have to come at someone else’s expense like we have been trained to believe.   Look for the worth in people and you will find your own worth in the process, I was talking to myself there 🙂





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