Day 48, What’s the rush?

What a day. I was trying to replace the water-free urinal cartridges at work and realized too late that the cartridges weren’t the problem, The pipes are plugged. The residue left behind by the filters is almost the same consistency as thick snot and lots of it. The stench is almost unbearable as it is made up of all the particles in pee that don’t wash down the drain. I had the bright Idea to try and use a plunger on the drains in an effort to clear the blockage. The first couple pumps seemed to be doing well and then the pressure was too much and it sprayed this congealed piss substance at me. It was at this time I had to fight the urge to puke as the stench became overpowering. My co-worker decided to give it a try and he got it even worse to the point that he had to strip his pants and shirt off immediately. We were unsuccessful in clearing the  drain so I sent my co-worker home early to shower and I made plans to leave work early as I kinda stunk like old piss.

I did not get the chance to leave early as a couple boys got into a fist fight in the park and no-one else seemed able to deal with the situation. It always seems to take longer to get the parents to calm down as neither of them ever thinks that their kid could be the problem lol. It took me some time to get the right video footage of the incident at which time everyone’s story changes a little bit as they realize their exaggerations are exactly that. Somehow I managed to remain calm while stinking of piss and listening to both sides which each blamed the other. In the end both kids were equally responsible for the incident although there were opportunities for my staff to prevent the incident before it happened. I have been getting practice at dealing with really upset people lately and although I don’t really enjoy it, I have to admit that I am not bad at it. Both parties, parents and kids calmed down and even had a nice chat at the end were they made peace which is a success in my eyes. What a day.

Today was also the first day that I didn’t use my cane to assist in walking. For the most part it was good with my foot getting a bit fatigued and sore near the end of my shift. I was walking with a limp which I really want to try and avoid, the issue is that I am almost always walking in a bit of a hurry which leads to an increased limp. I wonder if that’s it? I am still trying to move faster and do things quickly without realizing it. That could be the fundamental idea that is causing me so much grief.

I feel like I can describe the idea but cannot put  my finger on it exactly. Why do I make haste all the time? What do I think I will gain from it? I want to source this resistance within my-self so I can understand it and then shift it to something that feels better. If every time I try harder or make haste towards a destination I create resistance within my-self, Then being “Speedy-Gonzales” ( my Grandpa used to call me this as a kid) is not serving me in a positive way. Perhaps it’s because that was and has been my defining attribute throughout my life, I think quickly and react fast. I wonder if speed became a point of pride for me which fed my ego? The more time I spend thinking about this the more sense it makes.

If I believe that the pace at which I function increases my value or makes me special, then I would make haste in all aspects of my life in an effort to get the most out of my time. The contradiction lies within the belief that rushing anything creates resistance within my flow. Does rushing create anxiety, is the haste a result of anxiety or do they create each other in a cycle? Is there something else creating the anxiety and the need for speed? I wonder if I was always in a hurry or if it started when I was five when my family fell apart? What is the real reason I am always in a hurry?



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