Day 25, JP 13

page 13

[[[ Now that I Know being true to myself is of more Value than anything, I expect my life to be quite different than it was before.     No I can guide my life with the one source That has my own interests at heart. this is gonna be a wild ride.      I’m no longer for sale. no more compromise. There is never enough to fill the void created by ignoring my-self.      the only way for me to be happy is to be honest with myself and trust in the stream of well-being. Honesty will keep me pointed downstream and trust Will allow me to float unhindered with the current.       Now my journey of discovery begins again. The joy is in the journey. I’ll figure it out as I go. The stream will take me.]]]

This page is full of hope and knowing, not unlike my current state of mind. Knowing what I know now, I can say that life really wasn’t all that different going forward for very long as I fell back into old habits. I was so sure of myself because I no longer had to look my issues in the eye and deal with the reality of them. It is one thing to know the theory of something and another thing completely to put it into practice. I was right about the bumpy ride that’s for sure. The part of no longer being for sale disappeared as soon as I started down the road to bankruptcy and I had to have a job, I was once again a whore for money.

I hit the nail on the head about being honest with myself and I have had to remember that fact many times over the years as I have lost my focus on what I really want. The stream I talk about here was first introduced to me by the author “Abraham Hicks”. The stream is a metaphor for the life force that flows through us all. It can be describes as a stream of water on which I float in a boat, as long as I am  pointed downstream( to be in alignment with my-self/ feeling good) I will see the experiences that I want and can take part. If I am pointed upstream ( out of alignment/ feeling bad) I will pass by those same opportunities and still be floating towards more that I want. To maintain the nose of my boat pointing downstream I only have to relax and let go of the oars( harder to do than I  first thought). If at any time I try to move faster or direct the flow myself then I will turn upstream and miss that which I was trying to get to. This includes but is not limited to , paddling harder/faster, steering the boat, feeling frustrated or angry. The key is to Let go and let the stream take me.

My journey of discovery certainly did start again as It has everyday since, I think I finally understand what it means to enjoy the journey. Then again I might look back in five years and laugh at myself again. Every time I think I have this life figured out I am reminded that I don’t know shit and am humbled again.

Lately I have adopted the approach that nothing is set in stone as my life flows like water and is ever evolving, I can either evolve with it or resist the current. I still hold many resistant beliefs which impede the flow through me but not as many as I held before. As long as I stay focused on my goal to release those resistant beliefs as I discover them then my journey will be fulfilling and rewarding.

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