This is gonna require some backstory in regards to our couch guest who I have named Eli for this. Eli is brother to one of my two other room mates so when he was evicted for being 3 months behind in rent we three agreed to let him stay with us as long as he followed our house rules. The rules are pretty simple , clean up after yourself as well as random shit left around , help with weekly cleanings(bathroom) and to respect the three of us and our guests. Eli has failed to follow each of these at various times and occasionally all of them at once. My two other room mates have made efforts to motivate Eli with short lived success and I was too stoned to really care. Eli has a history of being victim to everything and refuses to take responsibility for his own actions and choices.
In my now sober state and faced with returning to a job that I do not particularly like I have no more patience for his bullshit. I will not stand by and pay for the roof over his head if he will not follow our house rules. I am under the impression that because I was so lax about things he felt like his attitude was warranted even though the other two roomies have been on his case. That changed last night.
In the middle of one of his self righteous rants where he points his finger and blames everyone else for how he feels, I called bullshit and picked apart all of his arguments one after the other. I then reminded him of our agreement to which he refused to honor it and proceeded to get angry (like a child throwing a temper tantrum) I had come to the conclusion earlier in the day that we have not had a real consequences for him if he failed to uphold his end of the deal. None of us want to see him on the street but at the same time I will not be hostage in my own home. Things escalated over the issue of dishes left in the sink, I made it clear that I expected them to be done (all of them) and if they weren’t I would use one of them to douse him with water.
Eli adamantly and angrily refused to clean up so after giving him one more chance I filled up a small mug and doused him. That sure got his attention and he in return threw his drink at me and got in my face. Eli said “Are you sure you want to do this?” with anger seething from his mouth. I replied as calmly as I could as I prepared to dismantle him physically and I had done mentally moments before ” are you?” . To which he replied “you started this”. My blood was pumping at this point and it took everything I had to not lash out (partially because I realized it was a bait to get me to hit him so he could call the cops, more victim bullshit.). I believe his brother stepped in at this point because Eli it appeared Eli was about to do something he wouldn’t be able to take back.
I learned at a young age that if you let someone intimidate you one time you will be under their thumb for life and so whenever someone tries to bully me I have already decided that I would rather die than submit. I think that because of my generally pleasant and calm demeanor Eli took me for an easy mark. His mistake.
Our conversation or rather me talking and him seething while his brother restrained him went along the lines of Eli refusing to his chores and also refusing to leave. I had to make things clear so I grabbed his basket of clothes and headed to the balcony , once there I gave him a choice. Either follow the house rules or leave If he refused to do either I fully intended to throw his shit over the railing. This is when he threatened to break his glass and attack me with it( his fear and weakness were shining bright at this moment) Eli’s brother then took a moment to make it clear that threats of violence would not be tolerated and if it happens even one more time he is out. Now that he had been disarmed he was faced with a very real decision to make. It took a while still with him demanding that I put his stuff down and me waiting for him to decide, eventually through gritted teeth he said “fine” and walked out the door.
I proceeded to return his belonging and clean up the water that he tossed all over the floor. Honestly I was hoping that he would not return last night, at it would be easier for me. Eli returned a little while longer calmed down a bit and proceeded to lay down on the couch, My first thought was to douse him again because the dishes still weren’t done. I held my hand because I just didn’t want to deal with it right then and perhaps he would come to his senses by morning. I had some of my own mental gymnastics to do before I went to bed last night as I was jacked( pumped up and feeling very much alive) from the experience.
This morning I went one step further and stayed in bed for an extra hour then a shower and now my blog which means I haven’t set foot in the kitchen yet. When I do if I see that shit still isn’t clean I will give him 30 mins before I douse him, I have every intention of doing this every time he fails to uphold his end of the deal. Its a reality check for both of us and It feels like the right path to walk. Basically its how I would train a cat not to jump on the table, using a spray bottle each time it jumped up. This requires me to be active and present in the moment which is good practice for my pending return to work.
This is also a good opportunity for me to practice not caring what someone else thinks about me because I am out of fucks to give. Everyone has the right to be happy but not at my expense.
I am well aware that Eli was simply reflecting back at me some of my own feelings and this was an opportunity for me to be on the other side of the discussion and expand my own awareness.