Day 13, Dreams.

I had a terrible sleep last night. I was either too hot or too cold often waking in a cold sweat. I also had some nightmares during the time I did fall asleep. I woke up a couple hours ago and have felt exhausted since. This could be the result of going from smoking pot all day to having none yesterday or it could be the result of talking to my ex-wife for a couple hours yesterday or that I watched the newer evil dead right before bed lol. I think its a mix of all three.

Pot basically puts a fuzzy buffer between me and my feelings which essentially numbs them until they get bigger. Taking away that buffer(it will take a couple weeks for it to dissipate completely) allows me to get in touch with emotions buried underneath the high.

Talking to the ex-wife was extremely enlightening. It felt like old friends catching up after a long time apart. It was nice to talk to her without being at odds with her about anything. I had moments where I felt vindicated in regards to my own actions that I took in relation to her(the reason I left). Listening to her tell me about her life was like listening to a news report about a plane that crashed into a boat that blew up a train and destroyed a bridge. We(I) even figured out what I think is her defining value which isn’t serving her very well(same as I figured it was before) In her case she doesn’t feel safe unless she has something to do that for her(insecurity)

My dreams were in no way even close to the movie I watched other than the general feeling of dread that permeates the movie and gore.

So my Dream involved me arriving at a island somewhere that had an old base of some kind on a peninsula off the island. either the humanoid creatures lived on the island or followed me there depending which time I went in( each time the dream started from the beginning and was slightly different depending on me) I was constantly being hunted over and over, sometimes in the base which was the most common landing spot for me or on occasion along the beach somewhere. I felt trapped, hunted and genuinely frightened in this dream.

After each time that I woke from this experience I had to calm down(realize its just a dream) then relax and go back. As I said before each time was a bit different, imagine playing a video game were you have to clear a base and each time you die you start over except that you can remember your mistakes from the last time. So each time I went back in I lasted longer or actually killed a few creatures or was able to attempt escape in a stolen boat. The last time I remember I didn’t even land on the island I kept my little boat off shore and began circling the island, at this time I also had a dog companion with me. I was able to avoid all the nasty creatures and bad guys by going around to the other side of the island and I even met another traveler along the way.

I think my subconscious was teaching me that sometimes its best to go around the shitstorm than to try and tough it out. I cannot help someone shovel shit without getting it all over me.  It is a reminder for me to avoid the shit show in the first place and go around the disaster. I cannot fix someone else’s situation for them and even if I did it would not provide lasting benefit as it would only be a band-aid on a symptom of the underlying Dis-ease.

It has been my experience that dreams are a window into my soul. My dreams reflect my emotions and provide a way for me to shift my vibration and have on the spot feedback about the changes I have made.  I have been using Dreams as a tool for many years but this one caught me by surprise as I haven’t had a dream like that for over a year.

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