DAY 11, Journal page 4

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This page is continuing my train of thought in regards to food and whether it has power over me.

How much do I value food?  Food is necessary for survival and I value it as such. I also use food as a stimuli for flavor or just the act of consuming can feel good temporarily. Having lived on with a minimal food budget of $50 a week for a couple years I can tell you that it doesn’t take that much food to survive but I can say that eating the same thing everyday eventually gets old.  I can live happily with minimal food supplies but I would prefer to have variety 🙂

Is food my path of least resistance? For? Food can be the path of least resistance to me feeling better especially when coming down from smoking weed.

Am I controlled by food? I used to be, once I realized that there is enough food to go around and the only reason it was in short supply for me had more to do with my own resistance to the idea.

Chances are, I learned the idea of food being in short supply as a child during the time it was My Mom, Brother and I After my Dad left. Money was tight and I remember things like receiving the school Christmas food hamper. The simple idea that “there isn’t enough” can spark fear and anxiety about almost any topic including food. It has been my experience that this idea can easily spread to other aspects of my life. “if the food can run out then so can the money”. It might, but getting worked up about it is only going to create resistance within myself which will ensure that the flow is restricted. The next thing that will happen is the money will slow down and I will have proof that there isn’t enough money which will create more resistance, the issue will compound and the belief in shortage will solidify. This is the pattern and it starts with doubt/fear/anxiety.

I accept that I am where I am in life. I can only start from where I am and that is ok because I am where I am so it has to be ok. I am exactly where I have chosen to be in life( the only other option is to blame others and welcome the age of depression) What can I learn from where I am?

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