I am going to start with today, I recently broke my foot which forced me to slow right down. this isn’t the first time I have had an experience like this. I think back and its the way I felt before the injury that stands out the most to me. I was frustrated and pushing myself harder in an effort to release my tension. There were warning signs that I ignored because I can be extremely stubborn. My foot was dislocated to a 90 degree angle from my leg. I was able to put my foot back in the joint and I started lying to myself that it wasn’t too bad. I waited a week before going to the hospital. Why did I wait? I was ashamed that I hurt myself and I wanted nothing more than for it to just go away.
So this injury brought to the forefront some issues I have. I am more concerned that I might be a burden on others than I am for my own well-being. This has been a constant in my life and is one of the values or beliefs I want to dissect. I am very insecure about making mistakes or failing in public. I make every effort to have all my ducks in a row before I involve anyone else.
My broken foot is likely a blessing in disguise. I have been removed from the work environment that was becoming increasingly negative for me. I have been forced to acknowledge some truths about myself and I have started this site.
I am an Addict of the purest form, I use whatever I have access too to escape my reality. Food, Sugar, Cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, movies, books, even pain can be used to cover other pain. All of the above work to mask pain or suffering for a short time(until the effect wears off) Then I need to consume more and more which leads to its own problems. All of this because I have failed to face my issues head-on.